Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy and too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church — they are my best workers.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked — I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy, with a bit of luck they may stop going to church — they are my missionaries.

Blessed are those who are very religious but get on everyone’s nerves — they are mine forever.

Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes - for they get nothing out of service.

Blessed are the church members who expect to be invited to their own church - for they are a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get hurt or angry and quit.

Blessed are those who do not give their tithes to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.

Blessed are those who profess to love God but hates his brother and sister - for they will be with me.

Blessed are the troublemakers — they shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who have no time to pray — they are easy prey for me.

Blessed are those who gossip — for they are my secret agents and they cause strife and divisions that please me.

Blessed are those critical of church leadership — for they shall inherit a place with me in my fate.

Blessed are the complainers — I’m all ears for them.

Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself,
because I have you too.

"The Devils Beatitudes"

(something I found in my office while cleaning up years of hoarding)