J.J.'s Birthday

Today’s our daughter’s birthday. And on days like today I think back to all the different emotions her life’s brought into my life. For instance I didn’t think I could expand my love anymore than what I had for my wife but the moment I saw our tiny baby girl a different and stronger love was birthed in my life. And on days like today I think back to events in our lives as father and daughter that bring both smiles and sorrow.

We have a wide range of pictures of Jessica as she’s growing up, all the way from pictures of her in her diaper and my cowboy boots on which not only cover her little feet but consume her entire tiny legs - to her posing for the camera wearing my underwear on her head. Those are memories captured on film but the most memorable ones are those which have been captured on my heart. Her first steps, first words, first wounds and first crushes were not only huge events for her but for me too, (even though I acted as if they weren't).

Some of my first sorrowful memories are of the first time she heard me utter the word “NO”, even though it was for her own good, the look of dismay displayed on her little precious moments face was heart-wrenching. Another sorrow-filled moment that’s unforgettable was when I’d leave her at daycare before going to work, the tears and looks of abandonment was so disheartening it would literally bring tears to my eyes after my departure. And then on the other end of the spectrum her looks of disappointment and disgust when I would come to pick her up from daycare and seemingly rip her from the fun and fellowship of her little friends. Or when she would have to get a shot at the doctors office and it would take two nurses and myself to hold her down as she would scream "Help, they're killing me they're killing me!" But the most sorrowful times that's been embedded within my heart is when her heart's been broken because of a boy and all I can do is hold her as the tears flow, feeling powerless because no matter how hard I try I really can’t fix it.

With all this said, I've thought it all over and I wouldn’t trade one moment of time with her or any of the memories good or bad for all the money in the world because they are all, like her, worth the world to me.

Happy Birth Day Jess, Love Dad.